A FEW MONTHS BACK, a guy I was sort of dating said he'd met someone else, that they'd slept together, and that we needed to stop seeing each other. I was taken aback by his confession, not because I thought my shit was too hot to give up, but because he didn't owe me that level of explanation. We weren't in a relationship, we'd just been on a few dates, yet now we were going through a whole breakup rigmarole. He could have just said he wasn't feeling it, that it wasn't there for him, and that would have been that.
Instead, I felt like he'd cheated. It was like paying the taxes on a big lotto win without the getting the payout. If I never liked this guy that much to begin with, why did I feel so shitty?
Jenny Lewis, in the latest single off Rilo Kiley's wonderful new album, Under the Blacklight, sings about cheats, and how the cheated can take back some of their lost dignity by calling things off. The song, "Silver Lining," is about a woman who leaves her lover after he sleeps around town, saying, "I was your silver lining, but now I'm gold."
The video is just okay (not as good as the long form docu-video for "The Moneymaker"), but the way Lewis' vocals float up into falsetto during the chorus and the shimmying electric guitar are glorious.
Rilo Kiley - "Silver Lining"
I didn't like you anyway, I was just looking for fun.
Saturday, September 08, 2007
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Representing the Sizzler
IN THE LAST TWO years, new styles of hip-hop dance have popped up all over the country and have spread through YouTube. Last year in New York it was the Chicken Noodle Soup, and this year it's the Aunt Jackie.
Check it out.
Jason Fox - Aunt Jackie
"New rap music with the old school flow."
And because it's so obvious they're having such a good time, here's a couple of guys doing the Aunt Jackie around the house.
Startlingly similar to a trip to the Wizzle home.
Check it out.
Jason Fox - Aunt Jackie
"New rap music with the old school flow."
And because it's so obvious they're having such a good time, here's a couple of guys doing the Aunt Jackie around the house.
Startlingly similar to a trip to the Wizzle home.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Getta getta a dissaway?
AMONG THE MANY WORDS of widsom that my father has spoken over the years, "You know you know but you don't know" is surely one of my favorites. It's either entirely nonsensical, or it's a brilliant reduction of Faith. Given, however, that it was generally muttered when one of us kids did something moronic, I'm going to lean towards the second.
Another winner, "Boys are like streetcars: when one passes you by, there's another coming around the bend," has held me in good stead as well, perhaps because it leads to the obvious corrollary that boys are easy to flag down and ride.
Perhaps my favorite, however, is the old Wizzle family addage, "Better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're an idiot than open it and prove them right." Poor Britney Spears needed this advice, and she needed it bad. My girl released a demo track full of actual gibberish.
The beat is kind of hot, but what is happening here? Is the track waiting on a songwriter? Maybe it's some sort of commentary on the vacuous nature of most pop music. Like, let's just give up on lyrics entirely, put on some ripped fishnet stockings, bare our navels, hump around a stripper pole, and sell ten million copies on iTunes.
Leave it to some poor drag queen to choreograph a "routine" to this mess. Ladies and gentleman, I give you Miss Britney Houston.
Britney Houston - "DFA Demo (by Britney Spears)"
"He hit my heart/And he hit me hard."
This drag queen also goes by Lil Britney, and she did an amazing video remix of Lil Mama's "Lip Gloss."
Lil Britney - "Lip Gloss (by Lil Mama)"
But where's the bubblemaker this time?
Another winner, "Boys are like streetcars: when one passes you by, there's another coming around the bend," has held me in good stead as well, perhaps because it leads to the obvious corrollary that boys are easy to flag down and ride.
Perhaps my favorite, however, is the old Wizzle family addage, "Better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're an idiot than open it and prove them right." Poor Britney Spears needed this advice, and she needed it bad. My girl released a demo track full of actual gibberish.
The beat is kind of hot, but what is happening here? Is the track waiting on a songwriter? Maybe it's some sort of commentary on the vacuous nature of most pop music. Like, let's just give up on lyrics entirely, put on some ripped fishnet stockings, bare our navels, hump around a stripper pole, and sell ten million copies on iTunes.
Leave it to some poor drag queen to choreograph a "routine" to this mess. Ladies and gentleman, I give you Miss Britney Houston.
Britney Houston - "DFA Demo (by Britney Spears)"
"He hit my heart/And he hit me hard."
This drag queen also goes by Lil Britney, and she did an amazing video remix of Lil Mama's "Lip Gloss."
Lil Britney - "Lip Gloss (by Lil Mama)"
But where's the bubblemaker this time?
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
New habit, same as the old habit
THERE'S NOT MUCH I can say about La Lohan's recent run in with The Laws, aka Sweet Sweet Justice, so I'm not even going to try. I'll let the picture below say it all.
But before I do, how has my blog become a source for celebrity arrest jokes and mildly raunchy (slash, totally sweet) makeout stories? What has become of my life? Let's all hop in the wayback machine to a time ("Professor, send us to 1999!") when I worked hard and envisioned making something of my life. Now I can't even manage finding someplace to store my shit (not to mention myself) in the NYSizzle, despite the fact that I'm moving in about two weeks.
Let's hop forward a few years to college. Remember when I was a religion major? A poet? That's interesting right? "Oh! What an unusual combination, religion and creative writing," you'd say, secretly worried I'd end up on the street (which I still might yet if NYC has anything to say about it).
"Not that unusual," I would say, "Just think of the Bible as a long, surprisingly popular piece of creative writing, heavy on the voodoo and the smiting." And then me and the religious fundamentalists would laugh and laugh...
And now business school? That's where unusual uniqueness goes to die. It's a slippery slope to a Bloomberg and coke habit to call my own.
So bring on the Lohan. Say what you will about her, but she's always there, making me feel better about my minor concerns in life. Thank you, Lindsay. Thank you.
[via lolhan]
But before I do, how has my blog become a source for celebrity arrest jokes and mildly raunchy (slash, totally sweet) makeout stories? What has become of my life? Let's all hop in the wayback machine to a time ("Professor, send us to 1999!") when I worked hard and envisioned making something of my life. Now I can't even manage finding someplace to store my shit (not to mention myself) in the NYSizzle, despite the fact that I'm moving in about two weeks.
Let's hop forward a few years to college. Remember when I was a religion major? A poet? That's interesting right? "Oh! What an unusual combination, religion and creative writing," you'd say, secretly worried I'd end up on the street (which I still might yet if NYC has anything to say about it).
"Not that unusual," I would say, "Just think of the Bible as a long, surprisingly popular piece of creative writing, heavy on the voodoo and the smiting." And then me and the religious fundamentalists would laugh and laugh...
And now business school? That's where unusual uniqueness goes to die. It's a slippery slope to a Bloomberg and coke habit to call my own.
So bring on the Lohan. Say what you will about her, but she's always there, making me feel better about my minor concerns in life. Thank you, Lindsay. Thank you.
[via lolhan]
If that's true, then why do my ears hurt
K: OMG
K: I can't even watch two seconds
B: It's too brilliant. It's too brilliant.
B: It's like staring into the sun.
Tay Zonday - "Never Gonna Give You Up"
"Your voice is like thunder."
K: I can't even watch two seconds
B: It's too brilliant. It's too brilliant.
B: It's like staring into the sun.
Tay Zonday - "Never Gonna Give You Up"
"Your voice is like thunder."
Friday, July 20, 2007
Senior skip day of shame
[C’s bedroom, 8:15 AM. Sunlight filters through venetian blinds, casting horizontal stripes of light across the floor. C is asleep in his bed. K stumbles into the room.]
K: Okay, two things.
C: [startled awake] Ugh... Good morning. [props himself up on his elbows]
K: First, I don't think I can go into work today - I made out with a coworker.
C: [bursts out laughing] I was wondering where you were last night! What did you do? Were you drunk?
K: I'm still drunk. I woke up this morning in my bed, nude, and found my clothes scattered all over the living room.
C: Wow, that's a hot make out.
K: Yeah. I don't know how I can face him today.
C: I bet. [He nods. They are silent, contemplating her situation.] So what's the second thing?
K: What?
C: You said there were two things.
K: Oh. Number two, your dildo is in the shower again.
My friends, ladies and gentleman! Initials have been changed to protect the guilty.
Shop Boyz - Party Like a Rock Star
"On a money makin mission/but I party like a rockstar"
K: Okay, two things.
C: [startled awake] Ugh... Good morning. [props himself up on his elbows]
K: First, I don't think I can go into work today - I made out with a coworker.
C: [bursts out laughing] I was wondering where you were last night! What did you do? Were you drunk?
K: I'm still drunk. I woke up this morning in my bed, nude, and found my clothes scattered all over the living room.
C: Wow, that's a hot make out.
K: Yeah. I don't know how I can face him today.
C: I bet. [He nods. They are silent, contemplating her situation.] So what's the second thing?
K: What?
C: You said there were two things.
K: Oh. Number two, your dildo is in the shower again.
My friends, ladies and gentleman! Initials have been changed to protect the guilty.
Shop Boyz - Party Like a Rock Star
"On a money makin mission/but I party like a rockstar"
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
How to catch a man... and VD!
LAST NIGHT T AND I went over to J and M's place for fajitas, and J regaled us with stories of her day in the PACU. She'd treated her very first tranny, a female-to-male, and T was curious what they did with the bits and pieces after the whole transformation is complete.
"I don't know!" said J, a little scandalized. "We didn't study that in nursing school."
"No, but, like, what do they do with the ovaries?"
"I don't know, T," said J, pouring Crystal hot sauce on her second fajita.
"But how about the fallopian tubes?" T asked.
There was a pause as J looked up at him.
"What do you think is in the fajitas?"
LATER, AFTER WE'D ALL had a few fajitas and a few glasses of wine, M told us that our friend D, unbeknownst to her, had posted a fake ad on Craigslist's Casual Encounters and had linked it to her email address. She dug up the ad and, because it was sufficiently raunchy, she said she'd received a shocking number of responses over the course of the next week, which is how long the postings stay up.
We obviously decided we had to post another one right away, just to see what we'd get back. Latching onto the most absurd persona we could think of in the moment, we wrote as Splinter, the rat that has taken up residence on J and M's patio. Behold.
After posting the ad, we still felt like we had a little juice (read: wine) left in us, and wrote a second ad, curious to see which one would receive more responses. Our creative mojo was running a little lower this time around though, so M, T and I decided to post the second one as J, who was in the kitchen doing dishes. This meant, of course, that M was being represented in the Great Casual Encounter Competition of 2007 as a slutty, cheese-hungry alley rat, but she took in stride. Here's the second posting.
In no time, the responses started rolling in. I won't post them all here (nor will I post the genitalia pictures or the really graphic descriptions), but here's a smattering of my favorites.
To Splinter:
Did you hear that people? All the cheese you can think of! I thought I was in love until this arrived for Naughty Nurse:
I mean, he's a doctor. From Harvard. Swoon, right?
I thought so too, until Pierre showed up in the blue shorts, looking for some ratty lovin':
Friends, let's pull up here for a moment. In one night, after posting fake ads as a rat and a cartoon of a nurse, we were propositioned by a hot beach god and a Harvard-educated doctor. What kind of world is this? Why do people even go out at night? When you're out, your chances of meeting someone of that caliber are slim at best. Most nights, its a matter of looking at the guy, looking at the empty glass in your hand, and saying to yourself, "Well, if I have one more drink, maybe I'd lose my better judgment."
And if you're already saying that, you already have.
Catherine Tate - Not Drunk Enough
"I'm just not drunk. Enough."
"I don't know!" said J, a little scandalized. "We didn't study that in nursing school."
"No, but, like, what do they do with the ovaries?"
"I don't know, T," said J, pouring Crystal hot sauce on her second fajita.
"But how about the fallopian tubes?" T asked.
There was a pause as J looked up at him.
"What do you think is in the fajitas?"
LATER, AFTER WE'D ALL had a few fajitas and a few glasses of wine, M told us that our friend D, unbeknownst to her, had posted a fake ad on Craigslist's Casual Encounters and had linked it to her email address. She dug up the ad and, because it was sufficiently raunchy, she said she'd received a shocking number of responses over the course of the next week, which is how long the postings stay up.
We obviously decided we had to post another one right away, just to see what we'd get back. Latching onto the most absurd persona we could think of in the moment, we wrote as Splinter, the rat that has taken up residence on J and M's patio. Behold.
Subject: Alley girl seeking kibbles and nibbles
I've been a very dirty girl. Two new roommates just moved in, need to get away. Looking for a nice, warm place to spend a few hours. I'm sick of scavenging the streets, I need to be fed something hot. Got any suggestions? Don't bring any pussy around, I'm a little afraid. You must host. Have cheese plate ready (it's a fetish). Tell me your wildest fantasy, and make me squeal.
After posting the ad, we still felt like we had a little juice (read: wine) left in us, and wrote a second ad, curious to see which one would receive more responses. Our creative mojo was running a little lower this time around though, so M, T and I decided to post the second one as J, who was in the kitchen doing dishes. This meant, of course, that M was being represented in the Great Casual Encounter Competition of 2007 as a slutty, cheese-hungry alley rat, but she took in stride. Here's the second posting.
Subject: Naughty nurse seeks dirty doctor
I've had a long day a long day with ungrateful patients and I'm looking for a man who will appreciate my services. Hours of spongebaths and changing bedsheets has made me feverish. Looking for someone to take my temp, orally or anally, and who can be my prescription for a night of ecstasy. I want a thorough, penetrating examination to get my vital signs rising. Tell me where you got your medical degree and where you'll put it.
In no time, the responses started rolling in. I won't post them all here (nor will I post the genitalia pictures or the really graphic descriptions), but here's a smattering of my favorites.
To Splinter:
24 year old male that is looking for a women to hang out with, I will have all the cheese that you can think of
Did you hear that people? All the cheese you can think of! I thought I was in love until this arrived for Naughty Nurse:
Subject: I am a clean doctor actually...
but willing to get dirty if that is what it takes. My diploma says Harvard on it. And where will I put it? Well....I'm planning on keeping it on the wall where it is. As for where I might put some other things.....hmmmm...how about a tongue where the sun don't shine. Does that interest you?
I mean, he's a doctor. From Harvard. Swoon, right?
I thought so too, until Pierre showed up in the blue shorts, looking for some ratty lovin':
Friends, let's pull up here for a moment. In one night, after posting fake ads as a rat and a cartoon of a nurse, we were propositioned by a hot beach god and a Harvard-educated doctor. What kind of world is this? Why do people even go out at night? When you're out, your chances of meeting someone of that caliber are slim at best. Most nights, its a matter of looking at the guy, looking at the empty glass in your hand, and saying to yourself, "Well, if I have one more drink, maybe I'd lose my better judgment."
And if you're already saying that, you already have.
Catherine Tate - Not Drunk Enough
"I'm just not drunk. Enough."
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Don't worry, it's actually getting less vibrant
I'VE BEEN SPENDING THE weekend looking for places to live in New York, and most of the places I've been looking have been in Upper Manhattan, in the Harlem/Morningside Heights area. The neighborhoods up here are fantastic, a bit quieter, and the rents are cheap(er), which is a plus. I'm really glad I decided to go to school uptown instead of downtown.
Upper Manhattan has a bad reputation among some people for being unsafe, which - as far as I can tell, and from friends who live in the area - is no longer warranted. Still, when I went online to look up descriptions of neighborhoods, everything I read talked about how Harlem is a neighborhood in transition, an up and coming address, and all about how "vibrant" it is.
Let's add vibrant to the list of words we don't use. Here is the deal: vibrant = black. It's a code word that white people use to tell other white people where the black people live, while still trying to sound like they value "diversity." It's like the word "articulate," which white people use to describe black people like Barak Obama, who they are inexplicably surprised to hear can throw a few nice sentences together - a skill they apparently believed was reserved for them. Vibrant is to black as cozy is to cramped windowless hovel.
Furthermore, how absurd is it for people to say that a neighborhood like Harlem is "getting better," and that you can "actually live there now"? Hello! There are people who live here already who may like it just fine, vibrancy and all!
What the neighborhood description was really saying is, "Harlem is still distressingly 'ethnic,' but fear not: in eight years, college interns, Jersey trash, and East Village hipsters will be stumbling all over Frederick Douglas Boulevard, and you'll be able to get a low-foam latte whenever you like. Move in while rents are still cheap! Manifest Destiny, honkies!"
Catherine Tate - Tempura
"Chinese, basically."
Upper Manhattan has a bad reputation among some people for being unsafe, which - as far as I can tell, and from friends who live in the area - is no longer warranted. Still, when I went online to look up descriptions of neighborhoods, everything I read talked about how Harlem is a neighborhood in transition, an up and coming address, and all about how "vibrant" it is.
Let's add vibrant to the list of words we don't use. Here is the deal: vibrant = black. It's a code word that white people use to tell other white people where the black people live, while still trying to sound like they value "diversity." It's like the word "articulate," which white people use to describe black people like Barak Obama, who they are inexplicably surprised to hear can throw a few nice sentences together - a skill they apparently believed was reserved for them. Vibrant is to black as cozy is to cramped windowless hovel.
Furthermore, how absurd is it for people to say that a neighborhood like Harlem is "getting better," and that you can "actually live there now"? Hello! There are people who live here already who may like it just fine, vibrancy and all!
What the neighborhood description was really saying is, "Harlem is still distressingly 'ethnic,' but fear not: in eight years, college interns, Jersey trash, and East Village hipsters will be stumbling all over Frederick Douglas Boulevard, and you'll be able to get a low-foam latte whenever you like. Move in while rents are still cheap! Manifest Destiny, honkies!"
Catherine Tate - Tempura
"Chinese, basically."
Thursday, July 12, 2007
West Side walk it out
THIS WEEKEND I'M HEADED up to New York City to look for an apartment. I'm sure it's going to be a treat and am fully planning to traipse all over the West Side of Manhattan. If that woman from my school's off-campus housing office is correct, my goal of finding a place to live is sad, absurd and laughable, so you all need to cross your fingers for me.
What is it about an impending move to New York that makes everyone feel like they need to tell you horror stories about apartments and moves? Over the past few weeks I've heard more stories about moving back in with your parents, the untold pleasures of living in converted closets, and weeks of couch surfing. I've gotten advice on how to deal with corrupt brokers and the best places to store your belongings in the inevitable occurrence that you wind up homeless for a few weeks. All of the conversations inevitable end with a chipper, "I'm sure you'll find a place, though!"
If I do wind up finding an apartment, I'll flat out dance for joy. I'll bust a joyful Gwen Verdon.
[Thanks O for suggesting this brilliant YouTube video mashup.]
Gwen Verdon - Walk It Out
Fosse also invented crypt walking.
What is it about an impending move to New York that makes everyone feel like they need to tell you horror stories about apartments and moves? Over the past few weeks I've heard more stories about moving back in with your parents, the untold pleasures of living in converted closets, and weeks of couch surfing. I've gotten advice on how to deal with corrupt brokers and the best places to store your belongings in the inevitable occurrence that you wind up homeless for a few weeks. All of the conversations inevitable end with a chipper, "I'm sure you'll find a place, though!"
If I do wind up finding an apartment, I'll flat out dance for joy. I'll bust a joyful Gwen Verdon.
[Thanks O for suggesting this brilliant YouTube video mashup.]
Gwen Verdon - Walk It Out
Fosse also invented crypt walking.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
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