Like learning your private pain has a nickname

AFTER POSTING THAT I had body dysmorphic disorder, I thought it would probably be a good idea to make sure that I don't, in fact, have body dysmorphic disorder. I learned two things.

1) I don't, in fact, have body dysmorphic disorder.

2) The disorder where you think you are skinnier than you actually are is called Muscle Dysmorphic Disorder, or alternatively, Bigarexia.

It's like in ads where they combined two words to make a new word, which "automatically" makes you want the product more. Like "Scrumptoulicious."

Bigarexia! Get one for your friends, and while you're at it, get one for yourself. You deserve it.

Wetness is the enemy

MY DOCTOR SEEMS ALWAYS to have a health obsession to push every time I visit. The first time, she gave me a goodie bag of allergy pills and told me that my mission in life was to keep my "passages clean and dry." Upon my second visit, however, it seemed that wetness in general had become the enemy, and I was being redeployed lower down the body.

I'm lying there catching my breath after the cough test, practically smoking a post-coital cigarette, and she asks, "Are you using an anti-fungal spray every day?"

Anxiously, I sit up. "Is something wrong?"

She uses her pen to point to my feet, looks at them for a moment, and then locks eyes with me. "Athlete's foot never goes away, you know. It's with you forever."

I'm shocked. "I have athlete's foot? Doesn't that itch? Or flake something horrible?"

She shakes her head. "You don't have it. Yet. But your toes are very wet."

"They are?"

"All feet are. They're a breeding ground for fungus, slipped into a warm, dark sock." I'm tasting vomit. "Your mission in life is to keep your toes dry."

French and Saunders - Dawn's Doctor Visit

"Just a big, fat, wobbly tummy I've got!"