Your wake-up call killed my buzz

I'VE HAD ENOUGH of being odd man out because I happen to sleep with men on the odd night out.

Tonight, hanging out with classmates from school, I endured four separate incidents of people using the word "gay" in a derogatory way. Each time, the person realized what they'd said and apologized profusely. In that moment, this formerly "innocuous" word, this synonym for "lame" or "weird" or "uncool," came crashing into a the reality of a person they know and, on some level, think of as a friend. My hope is that it's a powerful moment for them, and that they never use the word in that way again.

For me, though, the whole experience is a total drag. Yes, on some level I'm glad that I can facilitate greater awareness of the issue, but I'm not hanging out drinking beers with you because I want to raise social consciousness. I'm out because I'm one of the guys - note! not because I want to be one of the guys, but because I actually am one of the guys - and suddenly, I'm forced into being something other than one of the guys. I'm a gay guy. I'm a stand-in for the issue. My sex life is the topic of conversation (in the most boring way) because you've put your foot in your mouth.

What's more, I spend the next few minutes reassuring you that it's cool, that I know you're not a homophobe, that I know I'm the first gay guy you've actually known, really known, that you'd never really thought about the word that way before. The truth is, although I'm the one who should be offended, we're back to talking about you. We're back to soothing your ego.

And you know what? Fuck that. I am not gay for the purpose of straight people.

Once and for all, let me enumerate the things I am not:

I am not your wake up call.

I am not your kicky, zany best friend.

I am not your interior decorator.

I am not your shopping partner.

I am not your next-best option on a Friday night.

I am not your musclebound (unfortunately) sex-crazed club kid.

I am not your trendy accessory.

I am not your Real World token cast member.

I am not your hair stylist, and I am not giving you a makeover of any kind.

And to prove it all, I give you Margaret Cho. (Ha!)

Margaret Cho - "ITOTIW, Part 1/10"

"You go girl! You go! No, I mean you go! Bye!"