Lint Licker!

A GOOD FRIEND GREW UP in Utah, where cursing ranks right up there with caffeine and liquor on the reasons why Utah is not a place I could ever live.

When he came to college, it took him a while to get used to using real swear words rather than shorter abbreviations that leave no room for doubt as to what you're really saying (and therefore, IMHO, negating the whole point of not swearing in the first place). It's like girls who, to protect their virginity, have anal with the entire football team - a practice that is very much alive and well at BYU, according to sources.

Regardless, to this day, we all get a kick out of responding to an insult with an indignant "fuh that."

This commercial reminded me of that friend. Voila.


"Pickle you, cumquat!"

If you have to ask, you probably are

EVERYONE, AND I MEAN EVERYONE, spends most of college making poor choices and being a risk to themselves. Fortunately for those of us who graduated before 2005, most of those poor choices get put in a box and left in the past, to be opened like your middle school time capsule once every five years at reunion.

Unfortunately for later classes, however, that time capsule is called YouTube.

I'm Not the Fraternity Bicycle

What's the fish hook all about? Besides being genius.

New habit, same as the old habit

THERE'S NOT MUCH I can say about La Lohan's recent run in with The Laws, aka Sweet Sweet Justice, so I'm not even going to try. I'll let the picture below say it all.

But before I do, how has my blog become a source for celebrity arrest jokes and mildly raunchy (slash, totally sweet) makeout stories? What has become of my life? Let's all hop in the wayback machine to a time ("Professor, send us to 1999!") when I worked hard and envisioned making something of my life. Now I can't even manage finding someplace to store my shit (not to mention myself) in the NYSizzle, despite the fact that I'm moving in about two weeks.

Let's hop forward a few years to college. Remember when I was a religion major? A poet? That's interesting right? "Oh! What an unusual combination, religion and creative writing," you'd say, secretly worried I'd end up on the street (which I still might yet if NYC has anything to say about it).

"Not that unusual," I would say, "Just think of the Bible as a long, surprisingly popular piece of creative writing, heavy on the voodoo and the smiting." And then me and the religious fundamentalists would laugh and laugh...

And now business school? That's where unusual uniqueness goes to die. It's a slippery slope to a Bloomberg and coke habit to call my own.

So bring on the Lohan. Say what you will about her, but she's always there, making me feel better about my minor concerns in life. Thank you, Lindsay. Thank you.


[via lolhan]

Frontiers of Science

GEEK ROCK by a Columbia undergrad. The beat in this song is kind of sick.

This one goes out to all my Ivy League people.

Reni Laine - "Frontiers of Science"

"Sexy ladies, get out your calculators. We're going to do a little thing called back of the envelope calculation."

In which too much is revealed

THERE ARE SO MANY amazing things about this video, pulled from Atlanta Public Television. This is why we invented public access, for all the learning.

Heads up: This is NSFW, unless you have headphones.


"You can't let every man hit the root of your vagina." It has a root? I know now why it's called "deflowering."

"He won't take you to Long John Silver for some shrimp, but he will give you a mouthful of sperm, or a rectum ful of sperm... The penis will have ejaculated all up in your brain." Apparently, LJS shrimp is the way to a woman's vagina root.

A friend in college had the jackrabbit. The day she got it, a few of us went down to her apartment on our way out for the night, and she answered the door wearing her robe, hair all sexed up and a mess. "Hiiii guuuyssss... I think I need to stay in tonight..."

Now I know why, and I kind of wish I didn't.